I’ve committed to sharing more of my foster care journey. While we are not currently open for a new foster care placement, fostering is something I am so passionate about. Below is a Throwback Thursday post, which details a small snippet of what my days were like as a foster mother.
My phone vibrates. It’s another text from a social worker. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what might come. ‘I don’t know if I can do this,’ I think to myself for the third time today.
I look at my phone, and my heart sinks. The plan is changing yet again—I definitely can’t do this.
My eyes fill with tears, and I push them back as I glance at the toddler eating next to me. He reaches out for me, so I get him out of his high chair.
He clings tightly to me. He won’t let go. Minutes pass and we continue to hug. One of his arms around my neck, the other patting my back.
He knows I need love, and he refuses to let me go. He comforts me and keeps me calm amidst the chaos. He’s only 18 months old.
I finally feel at peace. We walk over to the living room, and I lay him down for a diaper change. He marvels at the Christmas tree while I clean him up. For a moment, life feels normal.
I finish the diaper change. As I throw away the dirty diaper, I feel my watch vibrate. It’s another text from the social worker. Reality hits me yet again.
We aren’t normal, and life shouldn’t be lived this way. I don’t want to live like this. The uncertainty is hard. But these kids don’t have a choice, so I am not allowing myself one either. I will be here for them, and I will be here with them—as long as the system allows me to.